I've been taking piano since I was about 8 years old but have never had a love for it. My parents forced me through lessons year after year, and really, it was just a big joke. I never practiced, and I had no desire whatsoever to learn songs on the piano. Things stayed that way for a while, and my teacher, week after week had to listen to me attempt to play the songs I hadn't practiced. One thing I got really good at while taking piano lessons was making up excuses. I have to admit that some of them were really clever! I think one of my best ones was "Sorry, I didn't have that much time to practice this week." Yes, I know, I was a very clever 5th grader. Looking back, I feel really bad for my poor teachers. Obviously they new that I just didn't want to practice, because seriously, how busy can a 5th grader be?
When I entered Jr. High I became even more busy which meant even less time for me to practice. We moved, which meant my mom had to find someone else who would soon want to kill herself. After about 6 months of searching, my mom finally found someone to teach me the piano. I went to my lessons week after week, unprepared, and not wanting to be there. You are probably wondering, "Why is she telling me this?" but just wait, I have some exciting news to tell you. In 8th grade I took Choir with Mrs. Minor which required us to do Term Projects each term. There were about 100 girls in our class, and everyone had different instruments and songs that they performed for the class. As I watched everyone perform their music, I started to think about myself and how I was progressing. I then realized that I was not progressing, and not getting any better. I wanted to be like the other girls that could play these hard, complicated songs, so I made a goal to try harder at the piano from that point on. I actually did pretty well throughout my 8th grade year, practicing, and trying hard to become a better piano player. I would go to the store and pick out popular songs to learn, which made it more fun for me. I still had to do the other lesson books, but knowing that I had the popular song as well motivated me to practice. That year I made a connection to the piano and actually really enjoyed practicing. It was kind of like a therapy for me after a long hard day. I would go sit down on the piano bench, play my song, and suddenly I wouldn't feel as stressed or uptight.
As 9th grade started, I did a pretty good job of practicing a couple times a week, but I was slowly becoming busier and busier with school, dance, and homework. I honestly didn't have any time to practice the piano, and this time I wasn't lying. I probably had 1 week of 5th grade homework in 1 night, if not more. My parents kept pushing me, and telling me not to quit, but I wanted to because I "knew" I had no time. After a couple of crazy months, my parents had a talk with me and told me it was my decision, and that I could quit if I wanted to. Suddenly, all of the fights I had with my parents about quitting piano seemed silly because I didn't really want to quit deep down inside. Yes, I didn't have time to practice, but I didn't want to give up all those years of lessons and practicing. Something that also came back to me was a line my parents told me almost every day. They always said, "If you quit, you'll regret it for the rest of your life." I always knew that they were right, but I never wanted to accept the fact that they were. I didn't want to look back and wonder "what if?", so I decided to continue on with piano.
I have been trying to make time to practice, but it still seems almost impossible. I know that if I tried harder, I could do it, but by the time I'm finished with my extra-curricular activities and homework, the night is over. I honestly did not want to quit, but I couldn't continue the pattern of not practicing, and then showing up at my lessons unprepared. All I was doing was wasting my parents money, which obviously does not make sense. A couple days ago my mom pretty much decided for me that I couldn't do it, so she called and told my piano teacher that I was going to take a break for the rest of the (school) year, and maybe I would start up again in a couple of months.
I don't know if I will start up again, or if life will just get busier, and I'll keep pushing it off. I really don't want to let it go, and that is what makes this so hard. I have also really wanted to learn the guitar, so for my 15th birthday my parents got me one. I was doing pretty well at spending weekends here and there teaching myself, but after a couple of months, the same thing happened with my guitar. I'm planning on taking a few lessons during the summer, and who knows, maybe guitar will be my passion, and in the end is really the instrument I'm meant to play. I'm still sad about piano for some reason, but maybe it's time. I will be putting a lot of thought into what I should do, but for now, I'm just trying to make it through the rest of the school year. I hope that I'll make the right decision, and not one I will regret later on in life.
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